I'm Mariana, 20, and currently in NJ. I am a junior in college pursuing a Public Health degree. I'm a lover of many things and my mind is almost always all over the place. I'm silly and I love to laugh and that's pretty much how I would describe myself.I never know what to say in these things!

Because my moms gone for another 3 weeks I’ve decided to make something semi healthy and definitely homemade for my family; this is a Serbian/Bosnian/Slavic dish called “pita od Mesa” which is basically ground beef, onions, and some spices layered between filo dough. I put too much meat and not enough filo sheets but it was still delicious!

A couple of nights ago I watched all of the videos of the YouTube channel “Prankvsprank” and it was like 3 am and I was cracking up and I felt so light and it was so nice :(

Most days, it is my stomach that takes the hit for my love, but I am too busy apologising to my heart for all the times I have made it feel like a dog on a leash. The couple in the flat above me are arguing like crows over food. They turn their home into a public place, they turn their home into a court room where no one is the judge except for the furniture. He throws plates at the wall and she looks at him and remembers that he loved her once. He looks at her and thinks of all the ways a body can change. They both stay because they don’t know how not to. I sit a floor beneath them and think about water and think about my stomach and the things I have put it through for love. The last heartbreak was a sea flooding my lungs. The last heartbreak looked like a lone bible sitting on the floor of a burning church. A man prays for forgiveness in the middle of a war-zone, his eyebrows are on fire. God is listening through the space between two buildings but the man does not know he is there and he stays on his knees. This is either stupid or it is brave, either way, I want it. I am looking for calm like this, for love like this. My devotion takes more space than my body can warrant, my devotion is flammable and everything I touch becomes a forest fire that leaves scorch marks at the bottom of my stomach. I am sorry for my body, I am sorry that I have filled it with other people and forgotten to leave space for myself. I am sorry for all the howling nights that my love felt like a fist closed around the carnival of my insides. All the performers have left, and the place is in havoc. The lights are off and the lions are pawing at the ground and roaring. They are looking for something to eat. Soon they will start on me. I think about my stomach, I tell him that I love him, he tells me that this is too much and I apologise to my heart again for the fallout. I wonder if morticians prefer dead bodies because when you tell them ‘I love you’ their silence sounds like ‘I love you too’. Funeral homes are littered with people like this. They are talking to the dead and are thankful that the dead cannot talk back.

—    Azra.T “Love song for my stomach and the wars it has eaten”  (via 5000letters)

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Things my Dad was right about…


…18 pieces of advice for a younger generation :

  1. Your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s won’t feel like your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. – Adults are just older children.  When you get older you won’t feel as old as you imagine you will.  For the most part, you still feel exactly the way you feel right now, just a little wiser and more confident.  You’ve had time to establish your place in the world and figure out what’s important to you.  Don’t fear growing up.  Look forward to it.  It’s awesome.
  2. Bad things will happen to you and your friends. – Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life.  People lose jobs, get in car accidents and sometimes die.  When you are younger, and things are going pretty well, this harsh reality can be hard to visualize.  The smartest, and oftentimes hardest thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions.  To want to scream obscenities, but to wiser and more disciplined than that.  To remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse.  And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.
  3. Everyone can make a huge difference. – Making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So start small and start now.
  4. First impressions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.  – Everyone and everything seems normal from a distance, or at a glance.  The 10th, 20th, or even the 50th impression is when you start to truly understand someone else for who they truly are.
  5. Big results come when you narrow your focus. – Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas.  When your efforts are diffused over a wide area they won’t have much of an impact.  So focus on smaller areas and your efforts will be felt more fully.  It could take time for change to happen, but keep that focus narrow.
  6. Love yourself.  Become your own priority. – Strive to be the ‘you’ you want to be.  Nourish your mind and body.  Educate yourself every day until you die.
  7. Sometimes you just have to go for it. – Put your uncertainty and fears aside for a second and ask yourself this:  “If I try and I don’t get it right the first time, what will I have lost and what will I have gained?”  The answer is:  You will have lost nothing but a little bit of your time while gaining an important lesson that will help you get it right the second or third time.  People rarely get it right the first time.  In fact, usually the only people who ever get it right are those who continue going for it even when they’ve come up short numerous times before.
  8. In order to get, you have to give. – Supporting, guiding and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards.  Everything you do comes back around.
  9. Not much is worth fighting about. – If you can avoid it, don’t fight.  Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members or neighbors.  When you feel anger surging up and you want to yell that vulgar remark on tip of your tongue, just close your mouth and walk away.  Let yourself calm down.  You don’t have to be right or win an argument.  It just doesn’t matter.
  10. Don’t try to impress everyone. – Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost.  Be real with people instead.  Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and more profound.
  11. Keep having fun. – Fun is way underrated.  With all of life’s responsibilities, fun will sometimes seem like an indulgence.  It shouldn’t be.  It should be a requirement.  Make time for fun.
  12. Keep it simple. – There is a world of magnificence hidden in simplicity.  Pick the five most important things in your life now and focus on those things.  Let the other stuff go.  Stop the busyness and really enjoy what’s important to you.
  13. Little things stick with you. – So pay attention to them.  Like watching your child sleep.  Preparing a meal with your family.  Sharing a great laugh with an old friend.  This is the real stuff life is made of.
  14. Less advice is often the best advice. – People don’t need lots of advice, they need to live.  I’ve seen young, rocky relationships develop into wonderful marriages and fleeting inspirations ignite a lifetime of passion and happiness.  Our life stories, like the answers we give to long essay questions, are uniquely ours.  What people want to know is already somewhere inside of them.  We all just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help us find our direction.
  15. Manage your time. – Your situation and environment is ever changing, so be careful not to confuse things that are urgent with things that are important.
  16. Manage your money. – Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.  Don’t spend more than you make.  Don’t let your money manage you.
  17. What you learn in school does matter. – While you may not use the specifics of every classroom lesson, every lesson does expand the core thought process of your mind.  Over time you will develop problem solving skills that are universally applicable.  No single classroom lesson can teach this, and no single classroom lesson is more important.
  18. Dreams will remain dreams forever if you don’t take action. – Don’t dream about it anymore.  Start doing it.  In 40 years from now what is it that you will regret not having accomplished, appreciated or attempted?  Do it, appreciate it and attempt it NOW!

found here

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